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Pip Coleman

Pip Coleman

Author, Reiki Master, Coach

What if I’m the toxic one?

This week’s blog is about self reflection. 

Last night I was watching Kitty Flanagan do her stand up show and she told a joke about crazy neigbours. 
She said there is always one crazy person in the neighbourhood right?
And if you say ‘No, we don’t have any crazy neighbours’ … then the person is you. 😁
It’s an old joke. 
But it got me thinking. 

This week in my life there has been discussions in my family about ‘toxic’ behaviour. 
Toxic … it’s a strong word. 
It activates most people. 
No one wants to be referred to, or thought, of as toxic. 

However, after I soothed and calmed my inner child’s hurt feelings. 
I took a good look at myself. 
I believe three (3) key things … 
1. Self reflection is essential to growth. 
2. Separating the behaviour from the person helps us to understand.
&
3. The words we choose to describe a situation in our lives will affect how we move forward. 

Am I a toxic person? No 
Have I behaved in a toxic way? Yes probably 
The truth is I’ve been judgmental, critical, rude, ignorant, gossipy, mean, exclusionary and lots more …
I’m not perfect.
I’m a human being on a spiritual journey. 
And anyone who says they are perfect is not being completely honest with themselves. 

So … why might I have behaved in a toxic way?
Fear, hurt, anger, confusion … 
There are many reasons why I might behave in a ‘less than zen’ way. 
I certainly don’t do it from a conscious and mindful place.

Does that make me a bad person? No 
Can I learn something from this? Yes definitely

I’ve learned that the words I use to describe myself or the situation are key to my healing and dissolving issues. 
If I use words like ‘toxic’, ‘bitchy’, or even ‘dysfunctional’ … there is a lot of negative weight in those words. 
No wonder I don’t want to be referred to or connected to them.
However, if I use ‘unbalanced’, ‘disconnected’, or ‘unaware’ … there is a self-compassion and understanding behind them.
This makes it easier for me to address the behaviour and be more willing to forgive it and let go. 

Which brings me to my next self-reflective questions.
Am I willing to forgive myself for my behaviour? 

And … once you’ve done step one, you can move onto … 
Am I willing to forgive others for their behaviour? 

And here’s the thing … I’ve realised that I HAVE to do the self-reflection and self-forgiveness part to heal and move forward. 
If I only point fingers out at others’ behaviour, I’m not considering something vital.
The only constant element in all my interactions is ME. 

So as I consider, reflect and soothe myself about my family interactions this week, I’ll be spending the MOST time on me. 
No one is responsible for my happiness or pain. That’s up to me. 
I feel more empowered, peaceful and happy when I remind myself of this deep truth. 

I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to or if you need some suggestions for self care options. 
You are not alone. 

**Note – If you’d like a very loving gentle way to release emotions, pain and issues that are not serving you … 
Jana and I are doing our monthly Full Moon Sound Healing and Meditation on Wednesday night @7.30pm (17/7) at my Cape Woolamai studio. 
Go to the store page for details and payment options. 

Blessings Pip x 

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