I am sitting on my verandah in the sunshine, drinking a chai latte, feeling the warmth spread out over my whole body and listening to the birds chirp.
Isn’t it amazing when you wake up to a sunny day? And especially so, when the weather forecast was for rain …
Ahhhhhhh … I can feel myself sinking into the moment.
And then … these thoughts begin to creep in …
“Don’t stay too long.”
“Don’t get too comfortable.”
“You’ve got things to do.”
Where did those thoughts come from?
I was reading Glennon Doyle’s book ‘Untamed’ yesterday and she said something that really resonated.
She was talking about watching her wife relaxing on the couch and feeling angry at her.
So she stepped back and asked herself: What is my anger telling me about me?
It seemed that an underlying belief was being activated:
“Resting is laziness. Laziness is disrespect. Worthiness and goodness are earned with hustle.” (P266).
She looked at that feeling and the thoughts and wondered where they came from?
It was from her childhood when she’d jump off the couch and try to look busy when she heard her parent’s car drive up to the house.
Sitting on the couch and watching tv was considered ‘lazy’ … particularly during the day.
This reminded me of my childhood.
Her reframe was great, so I will share it with you.
She realised that the underlying feeling was envy, or what she calls ‘a bitter yearning’ …
“Must be nice to just sit on the couch all afternoon.
Must be nice to feel worthy of the space you take up on earth without hustling to earn it every minute.
Must be nice to rest and still feel worthy.
I want to be able to rest and still feel worthy.“ (p 266)
She realised that she didn’t want to change her partner, she wanted to change her belief about worthiness.
The anger had shown her a root belief that she could choose to keep, return or exchange.
“I looked hard at the root belief about worthiness that my anger at Abby had delivered to me. I thought:
No. I don’t want to keep this one. It was inherited by me. Not created by me. I have outgrown it. It is no longer my truest, most beautiful belief about worthiness. I know better than this belief. It’s harsh, and it hurting me and my marriage. I don’t want to pass this one down to my kids. But I don’t want to return it either. I want to exchange it for this amended one: ‘Hard work is important. So are play and nonproductivity. My worth is tied not to my productivity but my existence. I am worthy of rest‘.” (p 267)
I love this because I feel like I’m doing this reframe every day.
And it seems to be even more necessary during this pandemic, don’t you think?
Like Glennon, I schedule in time for reading, yoga, and even a dvd in the middle of the day.
Of course, it’s a process to change old beliefs and build new ways to live.
I still have that feeling of envy when I’m working from home and I see my neighbours in their yard relaxing or friends walking to the beach.
But now I know what is going on, I’m activated by an old belief.
Glennon says to say to yourself “Oh yes, that old belief. It’s okay I’ve exchanged that one.”
What are your old beliefs are your feelings showing you today?
And what would you like to exchange that old belief for?
Blessings Pip x
p.s. I am available for online and phone coaching, if you would like to talk through your feelings and uncover any beliefs.