Week 27 – I’m not worthy (a conversation with my Soul)

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I took a break this Monday and Tuesday, to rest.
I didn’t look at my Facebook or my Messenger.
I didn’t read my emails.
I didn’t write my blog.
I didn’t open my computer.

Ohhhhhhh but it was a challenge!

Anyone who runs their own business knows how hard it is to NOT think about your business.

Can you see me reaching for my phone and then going ‘no Pip you are resting.’
I made sure not to yell or chastise myself, if I wanted to look at the messages.
That’s taken me YEARS to refine.

In the beginning (and still sometimes) I would not only feel guilty for not doing the work … or not reading the messages … or even just having a day off … I’d ALSO feel guilty for feeling guilty.

Double whammy! Ouch!

I’d say to myself – “Stop it! You’re supposed to be a spiritual person now. A teacher. A mentor. A coach. A healer. You’re not ALLOWED  to feel bad or guilty or anxious. You have tools! Why are you not using the tools?! You are terrible at being spiritual… You should feel ashamed. You are NOT worthy of your new life and business status.”

Oh wow! Even now as I write this I can feel the pain of those thoughts and words … my stomach hurts and my heart feels heavy.

Why do we speak to ourselves like that?

And I am curious … Who is the voice speaking?

Not my Soul … that’s for damn sure!!
No way would my Soul or Inner being say that to me.

So I guess it’s my small self (as Colette Baron Reid calls it) … the part of me that’s trying to keep me safe and survive.

I mean, it has strong arguments … It says: “If you rest you can’t make money. If you have no money you can’t pay your bills. If you don’t pay your bills you will lose your house (business, family, etc). If you lose your business and family you will lose your hope. And if you lose your hope … well you’ll die.”

So, of course we listen to that argument. Right?

If taking a day off to rest leads “logically” to DEATH … holy moly don’t do that.

And then I hear my Soul say quietly …
“Ah hum … excuse me Pip … Is death so bad?
I mean, you’ve read lots of books and heard lots of speakers and teachers talk about dying and it actually sounds amazing. It’s a going ‘home’ experience. 
A realigning if your true energy with Source. A loving and peaceful Space.
A Deep letting go and surrender.
A great exhale that you Sink into with joy like a soft downy bed.”

“Hmmmm” ... my small self pauses.

My Soul continues …
“What if taking a day of rest is like a prelude or a moving meditation of what that death experience is.”

“Okaaaaay …?” my small self frowns.

My Soul says:
“What if allowing yourself to chill out is a wonderful gift. A present to yourself.”

“It sounds good… but .who are YOU to say that? “ my small self always has more arguments.

And my Soul says …

“Pip … close your eyes and let me soothe you for a moment.

What if You deserve to rest?

What if you are worthy of that?

What if you actually move into a space similar to the ultimate realignment by resting?

What if you will be more happy then?

What if the resting helps your life be better?

What if the key to life is MORE rest!?

What if you did EQUAL resting and working …

What if in the resting you get healthier, stronger, Lighter and more ideas?

What if you actually KNOW more from that place?

What if you actually are more productive and will make more money from a place of rest?”

Now my Soul is Getting my small self’s attention.

Really? Abundance from a place of REST!?? WTF!?! … Go on … ” my small self says.

My Soul says: 

“What if the act of resting equally to working creates a perfect balance of energy in your life.

Giving and receiving.

And then the energies of your life would balance out in all areas.

Work & Play.

Not one or the other.

In flow and out flow – like the tides.

Sunrise and sunset.

Breath in and out.

The earth is balanced in this way.

We are part of the earth.

It’s the same with us.”

My small self takes a breath and begins to feel soothed.

“Part of the earth. Okay. That makes a sense. Maybe resting would be nice.
As long as we work too. We can’t just rest all the time.”

My Soul smiles.
“Of course, now let’s go for a walk on the beach. Or a nap. You like naps.”

My small self smiles too.
“Okay … I do like naps.”

So, my friend, I wonder what your Soul would say to your small self.
Let me know …

Blessings Pip x

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