Week 26 – A confession about my shame

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This week I was teaching my latest group of Reiki Master students, and I had a realisation about a key step in my growth.
I have a confession … I was ashamed of my past … and now I have reclaimed my shame.

We were talking about energy and life choices, I realised that during the process of following my spiritual path, travelling overseas, running my own business and writing my book (Finding my Soul at Sea) I’ve been gradually facing the truth about myself.
Each time I took a step out of my comfort zone a new level of understanding was gained.

Most significantly, this past year has been about launching my first book.
There is a lot of personal development that happens during the writing and publishing and marketing process.

I discovered that the reason it felt so hard to take the step of actually publishing my memoir … it was because on some level, I felt ashamed of my actions, in the past, and particularly while working on board ships. 

You know how you only share certain things with certain people in your life.
Some stories for the family, some for your best friends and some for your work colleagues, right?
Well, this book is my truth … on a platter … my heart … out there … my whole self for all to see.

Obviously, NOW I get why my publisher and mentor (Ocean Reeve) told me that personal development is STEP 1 of the publishing process. You’ve always gotta come back to that or you won’t be able to do the rest of the steps.

I’ve got to admit that I was a bit too dismissive of his comments at the beginning.
I mean I’ve got lots of personal development tools and I run a business in spiritual coaching and wellness…
I thought “I can easily handle this.”

But at times during the publishing journey I felt like my head and heart would explode … with fear and shame and vulnerability and anxiety … there were times that I lay in bed and thought “I can’t do it … I just can’t show this to (insert names here)… I can’t let them hear the truth …“
**Note: I’m not sure if it’s the same for fiction writers. Perhaps my author friends can reply and let me know. 

My whole way of presenting myself to the world was tied up in NOT telling those ship stories.
And anyone whose worked on board can attest to this … we think that people who’ve never worked on board can’t fully understand the alternative universe that it is.

However, I’ve discovered … not only DO people understand my truth … they also resonate with it … and have had similar experiences (in other environments) …
And they’ve even told me they felt a shift in THEIR level of shame, by me sharing my truth.

Ahhhhhh that’s why we do this!
That’s why we write.
That’s why we share our stories.
That’s why …
To help ourselves and others to shift, allow, accept and forgive …

Your story is just as perfect as mine.
Your journey is equally valid and true.
Your message will heal you … and others.

Write it because it’s true, it moves you and it takes you to a deeper knowing of your Soul  … not because it might make money.

By writing my book, I learned the reason I didn’t tell my story before was fear of being rejected and judged …
But I was doing the rejecting and judging of MYSELF.
I was comparing myself to an old version of me and I wasn’t that person anymore … there is no comparison.
As you grow you transform.

Now I have reclaimed all the parts of mySelf … the sexy parts, the funny parts, the physical parts, the magical parts, the spiritual parts, the lonely parts, the emotional parts, the crazy parts, the shy parts, the adventurous parts, and the caring parts.

Shame is an indicator emotion for me that I’m not claiming a part of myself.
Are you ready to reclaim your Shame?

Please, feel free to share your insights by replying to this email or you are welcome to comment on my Facebook page (Pip Coleman – Conscious Courses and Therapies)

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