Valentine’s Day – letting go of relationship baggage.

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This Valentine’s Day I thought I’d share some wisdom and tips for letting go of relationship baggage.

Ooooo … juicy right?! 😉

Listen to the podcast episode #152 HERE.

A good relationship can lighten your load and light up your life. A bad one on the other hand, can be disastrous. Worst of all, the echoes of the past and your experiences in a failed relationship can ‘carry over’ to future relationships sabotaging potentially wonderful new relationships.

How do we free ourselves from this stagnant, excess baggage so that we can freely enjoy the new love in our lives?

Let’s talk about what might be destroying your relationship (if you’re in a partnership).

Then we can talk about those of you who are single.

Expectations destroy relationships!

When you are at the beginning of a relationship you will do ANYTHING for them right?

But after a while … something shifts.

The law of familiarity says that if you are around anything enough you will tend to take it for granted.

If you want a good relationship you have to BRING something not keep TAKING all the time.

You need to trade your expectations for appreciation.

If you (or your partner) feel you’re not being seen, heard or understood, something will feel off.

You need to improve your acknowledgement of the other person.

If you (or your partner) feel there is something more important than them, there will be issues.

You need to keep on cultivating safety, love and passion.

If you (or your partner) feel unsafe to share their feelings, the foundations will be rocky.

You need to practice being open-hearted and compassionate.

If you (or your partner) feel criticized or controlled, the relationship will not be healthy.  

The fastest way to change you is to change me!

You cannot relate to someone in the same way if they change how they behave.

You are 100% responsible for yourself, how you feel and how you react.

It’s important to brave the challenges together, have a willingness to understand, be united as a couple, honour the messiness of people, address the stuff as it comes up, celebrate the ordinary moments of joy, take time to know each other’s heart and intention, be playful and passionate, and focus on demonstrating your love in a way that your partner really feels certain, safe and a priority in your life.

Now … what if you’re single …

Well first … you need to get VERY clear on the qualities of the person.

After you’ve done the tapping to release your old relationship baggage, and you are in a good state.

Step 1 – write down a list of what you want in a relationship … everything. Eg. Passionate, playful, loving, strong, honest, communicates well, willing to grow. The most important part is the qualities, not the physical characteristics. The person you are meant to be with may come in a package that you weren’t expecting. Note: remember to say ‘available’ and ‘male/female’ if that’s important to you.

Step 2 – highlight the things that are a MUST on the list.

Step 3 – write another list of what you DON’T want.

Step 4 – write down the answer to this question: Who do I have to be to attract that person?

Remember not to get fixated on another person and recognize that YOU ARE THE LOVE!

Be that love.

Be playful.

Create rituals of love in your life.

Don’t get caught up in the fantasy of ‘The One’ …

I believe there is not “The One” … there are a series of Ones. People who come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. People who are your friends, lovers, neighbours, and partners.

So, if you suspect that your romantic problems in the past are undermining your current relationship or getting in the way of you finding a new one, then you need to take stock of how heavy your baggage is.

Let’s do some EFT Tapping to let go of this baggage.

To do this, repeat the following check-in phrase: “The baggage from my romantic past is weighing me down.”

How do you feel when you say that? Do you shudder or feel a pit in your stomach? Do you feel a pang in your heart? Rate the level of discomfort that arises when you say this phrase on a scale of 1 to 10. If you’re clocking in above a 5, then this is definitely a subject you want to use Tapping to address.

Start by tapping on the karate chop point, saying:

Karate Chop: Even though I’ve got all this relationship baggage, perhaps I can accept myself anyway.

Karate Chop: Even though I’ve gathered all this baggage from all those other relationships, I’m choosing to find a way to put it down.

Karate Chop: Even though I’ve been carrying this relationship baggage with me, it sure is getting heavy, I’m just going to acknowledge that’s what I’ve been doing and accept myself anyway.

Next, move on to the tapping points.

Eyebrow: This relationship baggage . . .

Side of Eye: All those old hurts and fears. . .

Under Eye: The pain and suffering. . .

Under Nose: All those tears. . .

Chin: I’ve been gathering all this baggage. . .

Collarbone: Carrying it with me into every relationship. . .

Under Arm: As a reminder to keep me safe. . .

Top of Head: But, boy, is it getting heavy!

Eyebrow: I’m so afraid that I’m unlovable. . .

Side of Eye: I’m so fearful that I’m going to repeat the old patterns again. . .

Under Eye: Why bother?

Under Nose: I don’t want to be hurt again. . .

Chin: I just can’t handle being hurt again. . .

Collarbone: I can’t deal with the pain. . .

Under Arm: I still feel my past hurt. . .

Top of Head: I want to be free of it. . .

Take a deep breath. How are you feeling? Hopefully you’re releasing some of that baggage already. Are there any feelings, thoughts or flashes of insight coming up as you tap? If so, incorporate them into tapping. Return to the eyebrow:

Eyebrow: All this stuff in my past. . .

Side of Eye: All of this drama!

Under Eye: I don’t want it anymore. . .

Under Nose: It makes me so angry!

Chin: It makes me so sad. . .

Collarbone: I was wronged. . .

Under Arm: But I also made so many mistakes. . .

Top of Head: I can’t go through all of that again. . .

Eyebrow: Relationships seem so difficult. . .

Side of Eye: I know a good relationship takes work. . .

Under Eye: But I don’t want it to be an uphill battle. . .

Under Nose: I just want to love and be loved. . .

Chin: And I don’t want my messy past getting in the way. . .

Collarbone: I just want to let go. . .

Under Arm: I want to feel love again. . .

Top of Head: I don’t want to feel frustrated about love anymore. . .

How are you feeling? You’ll want to repeat these rounds, and even a few of your own, until your frustration subsides and is scoring about a 2 or 3. Tap it all the way down to a zero if you can! Once you’re feeling considerably better, move on to the positive rounds below:

Eyebrow: I am worthy of love. . .

Side of Eye: My past doesn’t have to get in my way. . .

Under Eye: I choose to be ready for love. . .

Under Nose: I choose to leave my baggage in the past. . .

Chin: I’ve learned my lessons in love. . .

Collarbone: I can’t wait to apply what I’ve learned to a new relationship. . .

Under Arm: I’m so glad I’ve decided to put down some of this old baggage . . .

Top of Head: I’m ready to travel lighter. . .

Eyebrow: I’m leaving this baggage right here. . .

Side of Eye: I’m not going to carry it anymore. . .

Under Eye: I’m creating space in my life. . .

Under Nose: Space for love to grow. . .

Chin: I’m dumping those toxic feelings. . .

Collarbone: That have been weighing me down. . .

Under Arm: I already feel so much better. . .

Top of Head: I already feel so much freer. . .

Eyebrow: All these old ghosts and memories. . .

Side of Eye: Now I’ve found a way. . .

Under Eye: To put some of these old bags down . . .

Under Nose: I’m ready to travel lighter. . .

Chin: What if I could be excited and curious about this whole relationship thing?

Collarbone: I wonder what possibilities would open up?

Under Arm: I’m so glad I’ve decided to put down some of this old baggage . . .

Top of Head: I’m ready to travel lighter. . .

Take a deep breath . . . and let it go.

(The Tapping Solution – script by Nick Ortner)

Hope you found this helpful.

If you feel you need some support around your relationships please contact me by sending an email to pipcoleman@yahoo.com.au or you can book a complimentary divine discovery phone call HERE.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Blessings Pip

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