This week’s blog is about balance … do you find yourself over-giving? do you say yes to things and then feeling resentful afterwards? do you want more balance in your life but are not sure how to do it?
Well, I have a few tips that might help.
Firstly, it is important to recognize if you are actually over-giving. If you give and love it and feel warm, fuzzy feelings of joy and no resentment – then you are NOT an over-giver.
However, my lessons over the years have taught me that there must be a balance of energy. When you give, there must be something received for both people to feel satisfied. Eg. Give time, Get a coffee. Give a coffee, Get gratitude. Give money, Get recognition. Give recognition, Get appreciation. And so on.
It is only when the giver goes into the transaction with unconscious and unexpressed needs that the issues surface. For example – if you give time and have an expectation that the other person will give you money – but they give you a thank you. The giver will go away with feeling unsatisfied.
What I am saying is that everyone needs to be on the same page.
TIPS for ‘over-givers’
1. Take a minute (or an hour or a day or overnight) to think about any requests before you say yes or no. Time can help you get clarity on whether you really want to do it.
2. Be honest with yourself about how much you are willing to give. If you are feeling tired, resentful, angry, frustrated, pissed off … then you are probably giving too much. It’s time to stop.
3. Be clear with others about how much you will actually give. Eg. “Thanks for asking Bill, I’d be happy to help you move house – I am available from 10-11.30am on Saturday.” or “Sure, Mary, I’d love to give you a massage – my fee is $60 or we could do a swap of services/skills … what would you prefer?” or “Can I get back to you Julie? Next week is really busy. I’ll look at my diary and call you if I can help.”
4. GIVE TO YOURSELF … one of the best ways to even up the scales is to RECEIVE …. whether you schedule a massage for yourself, have a bath, go to a cafe for a long lunch, make a time to catch up with friends, find a quiet space to read a good book … whatever you find relaxing and rejuvenating.
It is the act of giving yourself time that is the best healer and balancer.
How can you give to yourself this week?
Blessings Pip xxx