As I listened to the audiobook called ‘Life Loves You’ by Robert Holden and Louise Hay, I am struck by a theme that comes up again and again in my self development… The feelings of judgement, guilt and unforgiveness about my life choices. It was particularly obvious while I was writing my book (Finding my Soul at Sea). And especially so, when I was sharing my stories of sexual liberation while working on board cruise ships.
You’ve all probably had these feelings about a situation, or a behaviour, or a decision in your past. It’s human to look back and wonder if we made the best choices. And I know it’s helpful to review and extract the lessons. What is not helpful is holding onto the feelings of judgement as an excuse to not move forward.
So I hold up my hands and I say … “I’ve done that.” I’ve judged myself harshly. I’ve felt guilty for past choices. And I’ve come to say today (particularly as we have just had the full moon eclipse in Libra) it’s time to embrace my choices past, present and future …
So I say yes … I AM a promiscuous girl … (thanks Nelly Furtarto) … and ALSO I AM a rainbow of sunshine, rain, light, dark, heart, judgement, magic, tears, laughter, massive action, meditation, hugs and bliss. Sometimes I’m nice, sometimes I’m not. We are not just one thing.
I’m tired of the struggle. Aren’t you???
Meggan Watterson says in her book ‘Mary Magdalene Revealed’ that the deepest healing will occur when all of womenkind reclaims ALL the elements of our humanness and we listen to our wise inner Self (Soul). “The message to me meant that if Mary Magdalene owned all of her power, she wouldnt want me to give away any of mine. There can never be a spiritual authority outside of me that is greaer than this voice I hear within, this voice of my own uncaged heart.” (page 158)
And the concept of forgiveness of the Self can be a struggle … right? Meggan says it beautifully here: “Mercy, I think, is the embodiment of compssion. I can have compassion easily for just about anyone. Once I hear how they’ve suffered, I have compassion on how and why they then perpertrated that suffering by causing harm to others. What’s hard for me is the personal compassion, the mercy that’s required of me when I forgive someone who has done me immediate and direct harm. My ego masquarades as this superhero. Hands on her hips. … The trouble is that the anger of the ego, even when righteous, can also erect some serious walls in my heart. And this doesn’t hurt the person who harmed me; it blocks ME from the flow of the universe. It disconnects me from what it means to be truely alive, to give and receive love.” (page 163)
Writing my own book uncovered lots of self judgement, which was a revelation … I did not expect to have such a deep transformation while writing about my time working on cruise ships. And it took personal development and meditation time to give that compassion and understanding to myself.
The way that my life has unfolded is largely because of the experiences I had on board. The way that I behaved on board was in alignment with the dominant environment. The way that I kept myself in alignment with my morals was staying true to my wise inner Self (Soul). I came to find my Soul even more deeply, through the process of writing.
Robert Holden says that we need to go on the journey of forgiveness to free ourselves from pain and self sabotage. It makes so much sense. Of course, forgiveness lifts the burdens that weigh us down.
So, my invitation to you this week is to ask yourself: Where I can be more compassionate to ME? Where can I be more merciful and forgiving to ME? And … How can I bring MY wise inner Self (Soul) to the conversation in MY head?