Inside I’m FREAKING OUT!!!

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This week’s blog is about freaking out!!! 
I’ve just had a lovely morning doing transformational yoga, then having coffee with a friend and now I am sitting down to write my blog … but inside I’m FREAKING OUT!!! 

I have to be honest with you. 
I wouldn’t be walking my talk if I didn’t. 
My bills are 100% more than my income this week!!! 

​I tried to distract myself. 
It didn’t work. 
I tried to do some creative accounting.  
It didn’t work. 
I tried going to yoga … 
I thought about it for the whole class. 

So, I asked Mary Magdalene ‘what should I do?’ 
And I heard ‘do nothing’
And I replied (in my head) ‘what?! Nothing at all? Really? Nothing?’ 
And I heard ‘yes. Nothing.’ 

Then I sent a text to my sister and told her what I heard. 
She said ‘Myeah! Exactly! Sometimes nothing is exactly what’s required!!’ 
And I said ‘oh … that’s … I don’t know … I’m not sure I know how to do that.’

And I realised in that moment … I really DON’T know how to do that. 

I know how to watch tv and veg-out.
I know how to read a book and let my imagination take me away. 
I know how to ride my bike and get energy. 
I know how to listen to a positive podcast. 
But truth is … I don’t know how to just DO Nothing. 
Do you? 
Can you? 
More to the point … can I? 

I believe Mary (and my sister) are referring not just to the action of doing nothing (stopping does relieve the pressure to fix or be responsible and it can take away the pain of the situation) … but also there is doing nothing about the judgement and criticism of doing nothing. 

I usually try to do nothing and then find myself in a struggle with my ego about being ‘useful’ and ‘productive’ and ‘worthy’ … there is a voice that says ‘can’t sit around here all day’ … and so my beautiful, blissful, magical doing nothing gets hijacked by guilt. 

So, I feel there is some more ‘Mary love’ (and Pip love) that needs to happen. 

I’m currently reading Meggan Watterson’s book ‘Mary Magdalene Revealed – the first apostle, her feminist gospel and the Christianity we haven’t tried yet’. 
Wow! I mean … seriously wow! 
It’s like this book was written for me. 
It’s opening and healing my heart in ways I didn’t even know it needed to be opened and healed. 

You know you’ve found a portal to transformation when you can’t stop reading right? 
Meggan explains the how and why of Mary’s story better than I can … but I’ll share with you my revelations regarding doing nothing (since it’s coming up). 

Mary says in her gospel that the main reason we are here (as humans) is to remember that we are divine AND human, so that we can connect with own deep wisdom and be truly enlightened. We don’t need to look outside ourselves to be saved. 

She (and the other apostles) write that she worked through (healed of) seven human issues (powers), connected with her own heart wisdom, then helped Jesus to teach by becoming an example of how we can all transform and live an enlightened life of love. 

I feel like I’m on an internal pilgrimage with her as I read this book. 
I’ve always known that Mary has been misrepresented… but I never truly  understood how much it would be relevant to me (and all of the world) until now. 

In our world, we can be chaotic, separated, messy and disconnected … and it feels like it’s time to open up and heal our hearts.
We need to DO less and BE more loving. 

I believe that Mary’s gospel is the answer that we are all seeking. 

So, I hear you say “what will you do about your bills this week, Pip?”
I’ll be kind to myself. 
I’ll be honest. 
I’ll consider what’s really important. 
I’ll be asking for help / time / support. 
I’ll be taking care of myself first.

Blessings Pip x 

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