Do you say ‘yes’ to every request and then regret it later?
I know how this feels. Those of us who have the belief that we want to be a ‘good girl / good boy’ really struggle with saying ‘no’ to people, because we think that they will not like us anymore.
Interestingly I’ve found that when you allow yourself to say ‘No’ with love and grace, people respect you more.
I have had a lot of people this week telling me stories about how they feel resentful and ‘put upon’ and annoyed with others because they have been asked to do things that they did not want to do. Then they start to beat themselves up for saying yes when they wanted to say no.
Cheryl Richardson (Hay House author) says that we need to learn to disappoint others to be loving and take care of ourselves. She gives some wonderful strategies in her book ‘The Art of Extreme Self Care’:
Chapter 3 : Let me Disappoint You
* 1. Buy some time – by using these sentences you will allow yourself the space to decide if you really want to say yes: “I will need to get back to you”, “I’ll need to sleep on it.” or “I need to check with someone before I commit.” (even if that someone is you).
* 2. Do a gut check – on a scale of 1-10 how much do I want to do this thing? Closer to 10 means consider saying yes.
* 3. Tell the truth directly – with grace and love – “Thank you for asking but I am not able to do that this week.” or “I know you are in need, I’m busy on Tuesday, perhaps there is someone else who can help you.” or just a simple “No, I am not available.”
Nancy Levin (Hay House author) says that we need to find our power by ONLY saying yes when we ABSOLUTELY want to do it. And otherwise it is a No. Don’t say yes for the other person – say yes for you. You will more gain respect and empower yourself in the process.
And if it is gonna be a yes … make sure it’s a HECK YES!
I know these tips have really helped me to take my power back.
Let me know if I can help you do it too.
Blessing Pip x
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